So another couple of weeks have past and I have been a neglectful parent of my poor little blog. Rush week and life since then has been overwhelming, and I'm doing my best to keep up. But sometimes I stop and think to myself, is all this hard work even going to be worth it in the future? I'm still not so sure about the answer to that question, because it's one that I keep coming back to every week. Some weeks I have such an optimistic attitude and some weeks I feel like the effort isn't going to bring me what I really want in the end. There are points when I think that I am on the verge of being indicted into a psychiatric ward, but then I take a step back and think about things because I know that probably most all college kids have good and bad weeks. So as gay as this sounds, I've recently begun reading the daily devotional for college kid on the campus crusades international website (I say this sounds gay because one of my biggest pet peeves is when people attempt to portray themselves to be Christians as just a front to make themselves look like good people... and that is not what Im trying to do). Some days, I literally feel like they are addressing me, specifically. Other days I don't really feel a connection, but the devotional had helped me to see the bigger picture. Here's the link for those of you college kids that are reading this and are thinking, yea right now I'm in the midst of a down week, whether it be grades, boys, or a build up of everything.
I think a big part of my bad weeks are when I think back to how fast things and people have been changing in the past few years. People who were once a huge part of my life that no longer are... The carefree lifestyle I used to be able to live when I wasn't trying to make people proud of my grades of actions... For those of you who haven't already figured it out, this has been a not so good week. I went home this past weekend and it was so great. Everyone at home was so genuinely happy to see me at the high school soccer and football tailgates/games that I attended. While I was loading the car up to come back to school I found myself, yet again, with the enormous lump in my throat and the tears just started pouring. I think it's just growing up that has got me in a funk, and at the moment I feel like all growing up has brought me is...confusion and unsureness.
With that said, I can always rely on things getting better. I know that God does have a plan for me and I need to just let things happen as they will. Like the Beatles said, "Let it be, Let it be. Yeah, there will be an answer, Let it Be"
Now for those of you who are thinking, HIDE THE KNIVES AND THE RAZORS FROM THIS EMO FREAK, thanks for the worries, but NEVER FEAR!!! I do have some upbeat stuff to share! Jessica is coming in this weekend, AGAIN! Whooop Whoop! SOOOO excited for the Bama game and all of the people making their way to Oxford.
Things I've been doing to keep busy lately:
1. Trying to perfect the headband braid. It's so fun, cute, and different, but also keeps the hair out of the face.
2. Homework and Studying
3. Running (just ordered some new shoes, so excited for them to come in... although I was a little reluctant to order Nikes again just because my last pair gave me shin splints... So I'm thinking I may just use the new ones as hanging out shoes and keep my mom running shoes for the running)
4. Watching my fav shows: Criminal Minds, Grey's, 90210, and Modern Family... Is it just me or has this season of modern family been somewhat slacking compared to previous seasons? And also, Katie has just gotten me into this new shoe, American Horror Stories... Not so sure how I feel about it as of right now, but I'm going to give it a chance.
5. Researching Songs for my new cardio playlist because I'm really starting to get burnt out on the old one!!
6. Online shopping for new riding boots, I just love them!! Some of my favs are Vince Camuto...but I've also fallen for this new pair of steve madden Kenya wedges... AHHHH the possibilities...if only I were wiping my butt with fifties!!!
These ones are o.k. online, but are muchhh cuter in person..
Which reminds me of my thought for the day... I woke up this morning in a daze and my fingernail scratched my leather purse. How come we dont lotion a dead cow's skin everyday like we do our own skin? and for the freaks out there like Buffalo Bill (research him if you dont know anything.. very interesting stuff) would they have to lotion a dead person's skin for it to stay pretty? or will it stay pretty without lotion like a cow's skin does?? Just some food for thought...
Im outty,
Helain
